Disrupting Patterns in Relationships that Impact our Business
Did that title grab your attention?
The first time I heard that phrase it stopped me in my tracks and I knew I needed to learn MORE.
The very talented Mara Palermo joined us on our group coaching call this week and our time with her was nothing less than transformational!
I speak frequently about how there isn’t a natural hard line in the sand as an entrepreneur between work life and home life. But this training today really drove home how our personal relationships and attachment styles can be a huge factor in the levels of success we see (or don’t see) in our business.
I want to share with you some of the wisdom that Mara shared with our group in hopes that you can have an “aha” moment like I did!
So what is Attachment Theory and Why Does It matter?
Our attachment style refers to the way we form and maintain emotional bonds with others.
It is first shaped by our experiences and interactions with our primary caregivers during childhood, and it evolves throughout our lives.
It can influence our relationships in adulthood in very negative ways.
In order to overcome this, we must be aware of this and understand it!
First we dove into what our current attachment style is and some of the characteristics we might identify with.
Then Mara shared with us HOW we formed these attachment styles….(This was my first “aha moment”).
OUR attachment style is formed based on the attachment style of our caregivers as a child. I identified mostly with the secure attachment style but recognized some pieces of my former self in the Dismissive-Avoidant style. This completely aligns with my parents’ attachment styles!
I have two wonderful parents, with two very different attachment styles. My mom has always been warm, attentive and provided us praise, while my dad has always instilled independence, self reliance and is the less emotionally extroverted of the two.
How do these attachment styles impact our business?
Let’s use an Anxious-Preoccupied person for example-
An Anxious-Preoccupied person may develop behaviors to include:
People-pleasing
Not setting boundaries with their time and energy.
Over-giving
Constantly pouring from an empty cup, leaving little time to focus on your needle moving activities.
Self-abandoning
Rejection of your own thoughts, feelings and needs.
Self-abandonment occurs when we experience an emotion that requires our attention, and we ignore it by reaching for an external distraction (this can pull you away from your focus and deep work).
Codependency
Feelings of happiness, self-esteem, and sense of worth come from being needed by another person.
Seeking approval from others often leads to lack of confidence which leads to lack of consistency.
High need to talk or process
Often excessively wordy and feel the need to over explain.
This can make clients feel overwhelmed and pull away from the relationship.
Now the question is… How do you transform your attachment style?
First off, this can absolutely be done, but does require consciously putting in the work.
Be Self-Aware and show yourself compassion
Learn to skillfully manage your emotions
Actively disrupt the patterns to overcome the ingrained behaviors
Rewire the childhood trauma + wounds
Learn new relationship and communication skills
Build Self worth!
A good starting point to disrupting these patterns is to learn how to set appropriate boundaries.
What is a Boundary?
A boundary is an imaginary line that separates you from others- specifically your feelings, needs, and personal reality.
They are essentially an expression of your feelings & needs combined, in a way that puts a stop to action (or initiates an action) that another person is taking.
Types of Boundaries
Mental (thoughts, beliefs, opinions, ideas)
Emotional (where you end & someone else begins emotionally)
Time Boundaries (how much we think or feel about others, ruminate-like thought boundaries and how much we give our time)
Physical (physical affection, space)
Material (borrows things- money, etc.)
Our businesses are an extension of us. The more inner work we do, the more (positive) impact we will start to see in all areas of our lives.
Have questions about simplifying your business and life? Connect with me on Instagram, Facebook or Schedule a time to chat!
If you’re curious to learn more about your attachment style and how to disrupt these patterns- Take the Quiz and Connect with Mara on Instagram™ @thesecureheart